How do I do my own thing?

Dear My Perspective,

I am friendless and lonely...I often do what others want of me, even if its not something I want to do, for acceptance, but of course, I am only good to them when they can get something out of me or use me. It hurts both ways, to be rejected and used like that, and to be alone all the time. Some say you should be yourself, I want to be. But who I am may be displeasing to others. Any advice?

Sincerely,
Bullied Mercilessly


Dear Bullied Mercilessly,

Its a doubled sided issue when it comes to acceptance. If you are not grounded in who you are, people will easily pick up on that, and will take advantage of you. They pretty much threaten your possibility of being accepted if you don't follow your orders. But the reality is they will never accept you, they don't want pushover friends, they just want the perks they get from taking advantage of someone who won't stand up to them or walk away.

But the other problem is that sometimes being yourself may push others away. When people say "be yourself" they never think about the negative things that come with that too. If you feel you have certain problems with yourself, then that change has to be in your heart.

Ultimately its best to be you. You may not make friends, and you may. If you become grounded in who you are then people may leave you alone more. In the end, the possibility that you may be alone could happen regardless of people pleasing or just being yourself, so why not do what YOU like? You might as well enjoy yourself...

You know these people aren't worth having in your life, you only do cause you want acceptance...but is acceptance worth it if you are walked all over or forced to give up who you are?