Taking sides

Dear MyPerspective,

So I have 3 other roommates besides myself. At first me and this one girl (I will call her Jane Doe) got along. We would hang out in her room, (our suite is set up with 4 rooms and a bathroom). We somewhat talked to another roommate (whom I'll call Mystery Girl) and then there was the snotty stuck up 4th roommate (whom I'll call Wicked). At first the 3 of us were united against Wicked and we would talk about her. But something happened. Somehow Wicked became part of the group and I was shoved out. Now I am harassed by all 3 of them, and accused of so many things. I refuse to move out of my dorm room on grounds that I will not let them think they can win and hurt me. But why did they do this? Any advice in general?

Signed,
Isolated


Dear Isolated,

It sounds like you are experiencing karma. You were on the winning side, it felt nice to have a common bond with 2 of your roommates. But it came back to bite you. Now you are on the losing side. This is why you don't take sides. You should not express a negative opinion about another person because you never know how tight they may be behind your back. If you can't say it to their face, then just don't say it at all. Its okay to try to stick it out and stand strong and not let them control you, but be careful, you never know what sleazy people may be capable of.

The Perspective of Beauty

Dear My Perspective,

I am overweight. So I dress to show it. I often wear hoodies, t-shirts, and jeans. I wish to dress up and look pretty and nice, but well, I am overweight and I don't know if that would make me look silly or is even possible to do for that matter! Any advice?

Signed,
Big

Dear Big,

You can dress up. Its all in the perspective of how you see it. There are dressy stores for overweight people such as Lane Bryant and Torrid. Even though the pieces of clothing are not as pretty or cool as those who are skinny, you can still dress up. Use creativity. Just because you are overweight doesn't mean you have to dress the part.

It doesn't matter if others think you will look silly, in this world you are going to find that some people like something and others do not, and that you can't possibly live by what others may not like because its impossible to always live that way.

Dress change!

Dear My Perspective,

Its weird, some of the people I go to college with I also went to high school with. And then there are people I have on my facebook that I went to high school with. But what I am saying is that, I noticed there are some dress changes. I don't know why but many of the preppy girls of my high school who donned Hollister, American Eagle, and Abercrombie now wear clothing from H&M, Forever 21, and Macy's. We are all like 19 and 20. I myself have not really changed much in dress style and still wear many clothing from high school. Is it natural for people to change their clothing from H.S. to college?

Signed,
Dressed-less

Dear Dressed-less,

For some it is a natural change. This can come based on the influences in your life. In college, one will often discover themselves and the kind of people they want to be around, unlike in high school when who you would be with mattered more for your reputation rather than what you really wanted. People often shop with their friends and may find themselves trying new things because of this. Other times it can be because of new creative inspiration that comes from the new kinds of people in their life.

For others though, they feel they must change their dress style, hair styles and even personality because high school was the end of one chapter and college is the start of a new chapter in their life, and what better way to show it than to change your look to match that new change in your life?

Sometimes not changing your look while others change makes you feel as though you are in a static position, meaning you are not moving anywhere-forward or backwards. One should only change their look because they want a new look for themselves. If you like the way you are dressed, you should keep with it.

Throw it away!!!!

Dear My Perspective,

How do I begin a life with unnecessary trash out of my life?

Signed,
Trash-out

Dear Trash-out,

Do you mean like bad things or bad people in your life? Its great that you want to rid the problems in your life. The problem is knowing or wanting to do it, its keeping up with it. Its like going to a blog or watching the news you want nothing to do with. No matter how tempted you get you must stay consistent or it won't work. You are always going to be tempted but all you can keep doing is just say no. Do not justify any reason to give in, the minute you do, you will keep doing it all the time.

Poetry

Dear My Perspective,

What makes poetry great?

Signed,
Poetress

Dear Poetress,

Different reasons for people but essentially what makes poetry great is how one can reveal their feelings, and even state of mind at the moment in a poem. Some people are bad at revealing their emotions by word, but in written form it can come out smoothly like butter. Another reason is that sometimes a poem can be vague enough that one can relate to it even if the situations are different. Poetry comes in so many forms, in so many genres, its hard not to like it!

"Debating"

Dear My Perspective,

Stupid people hang out at sites like this and youtube, and news sites and forums etc. If you don't agree with the majority, you always get attacked and falsely accused. Sometimes the person "in charge" allows them to harass you and troll you but won't let you fight back. Ugh, I hate morons. help!!!

Signed,

Fighter for Truth


Dear Fighter for Truth,

I understand the dilemma. The internet is full of the world's biggest rejects. These are people that have nothing better to do than to attack you. I was just recently myself attacked at a blog, for saying the truth. They were racists who pretend to be anti-racist. You know, covert liberals.

I decided they were not worth debating with. I had said my piece, the are too racist to debate with.

It is important to realize these following things:

1. Its the internet, the only important things said are the things that come from the mouths of family, friends and important people in your life. What a stranger online says is not of any importance.
2. Never debate in an uncontrolled setting. Cause you run into risks of being outnumbered, insulted, or worse blocked from fighting back (which usually means you are right and are a threat to that group otherwise why censor?). Leave debating for real life in a moderated setting where someone will keep people on subject and prevent insults and false accusations.
3. You know what you said is right. Do not apologize for it, and do not feel you should have to explain yourself to a bunch of strangers. Especially racist ones. In the end, these are lowlife creeps with no life.

Why is saying no so hard to do?

Dear My Perspective,

I can never say no. I want to but I can't. It sucks because people know they can walk all over me because I won't say anything back. Others have no problem saying no to me. So whats going on here???

Signed,
Yes Woman

Dear Yes Woman,

There are two reasons that often keep some people from being able to say no.

1. They depend on others alot.
2. They have few to none friends and fear losing any bit of socialness they may have.

The first one is most common. When you depend on others for things such as rides, money, food, help on stuff, etc alot, these people will often try to exert control over you. If you are someone who needs that help from them or the other option which would grant you a little more independence is too painful, expensive, trying, or tough, then you will often find yourself being threatened to do as they say because they have control over you.

The key to dependence is NOT to depend too much on one person or persons. Sometimes the dreadful despised route can help you, because it shows that you are not scared to go that route if you have to. When you primarily depend on someone or someones, then they will start to take control over you.

The second reason, which is common but not nearly as much as the "dependency" one, is the social problem. Some people, especially those with poor social skills, will often say yes when they mean no because they want and vie for acceptance. They feel that by saying no they will hate them. And in some cases this is true, especially once that person knows your a pushover. These people care more about being accepted in general than they care about who they want in their lives.

Why? Because being alone can be unbearable sometimes. And for some its so bad that being accepted by anyone for any reason is better, this puts them into a state that makes it hard to say "no", because they feel if they always say yes and do what they want, they will get an in. The only problem is this idea does not work.

Essentially the only way to combat this problem is to accept who you are and become grounded in that. If a person threaten's their friendship with you, cut the ties loose, they are not worth having around. Also if you find yourself depending on others, it may be a good idea to sometimes depend on yourself, the more you depend on others the more power they will have over you. You don't want to get hooked on what was supposed to be a one time generous offer.